This week makes six years. Six years since my hubby and I lost our baby girl.
I found out I was expecting our first baby a month after my hubby and I got married.
It was so exciting we knew we wanted a family and we’re so happy the Lord decided to bless us so soon. I didn’t even do anything big to tell my hubby I took the test early in the morning and when I got the answer I raced to our room and showed him.
We do everything natural so we waited till I was 12 weeks to hear the heartbeat with our midwife. We told parents right away and then siblings we surprised at Christmas time that they would be aunts and uncles.
What better gift can you receive right?
Everything was looking up, healthy baby, my husband had a great job and we were signing papers for our first house!
Wednesday, March 2nd 2016, My hubby and I were very excited to find out the gender of our first baby. We made it to our ultrasound. I couldn't see anything yet.... waiting for that moment they would turn the screen so I can see our baby for the first time. I couldn't believe it had been 20 weeks already. The pregnancy had been very healthy and the baby's heart beat was always very healthy when we got to listen to it.
The ultrasound tech kept on saying everything was very healthy, until she walked out the door with our midwife. My husband and I didn't think anything was wrong because we were never told so. I just wanted to see our baby and find out the gender! Then all of a sudden our midwife came in and told us to get our stuff and we need to talk in the car it's very serious! Of course at this time we were wondering what happened and when we asked if we are going to find out the gender of our baby we were told no. But we need to go to the car to talk so we don't make a scene in the lobby..... So to the car we went.
Once we got in the car we were told that "our baby is not healthy and would not live as it has a condition called fetal hydrops, That we can no longer go to our midwife and we need to start going to the hospital. We need to choose which hospital so they can fax our info over but our baby is not going to make it"
Being told something like that rips out your heart and all that keeps on replaying in your head is the baby is not going to make it and of course you start to blame yourself as if it was something you had done. 20 weeks pregnant and my little one was not going to make it.
Hydrops for everyone who does not know is a serious fetal condition defined as abnormal accumulation of fluid in 2 or more fetal compartments, including ascites, pleural effusion, pericardial effusion, and skin edema. In some patients, it may also be associated with polyhydramnios and placental edema.
Our baby had fluid in the head,lungs,heart and liver.
Through amniocentesis testing doctors were able to find out the gender of the baby and other health conditions
We were having a girl!
Amniocentesis testing is when the take a very long needle and put it through your stomach to reach the baby to get a small amount of amniotic fluid, which contains fetal tissues, to then determine gender and health condition.
We had gone to two different hospitals and spoke to many on the phone, no one could or would do anything to help it was to far along....
Just a few days before I was 23 weeks my husband had lost his job and we went for another ultrasound this time to find that there was no longer a heartbeat and within the next few hours I gave birth to our little girl and said goodbye to our little girl.
My hubby and I found out that our little princess was no longer with us she could just not fight any longer...... It's amazing the love you have for your little baby before you even see them I can't explain how painful it is knowing she is not here anymore that little bundle of joy I held for 23 weeks or 5 months 3 weeks is not here...... I know she is in a better place with our loving Heavenly Father and her wait for us will be a lot shorter then our wait for her!
My experience with the nurses in the hospital was horrible and it made what we were going through that much harder.
Thankfully my mom and dad and my in-laws came to help Comfort us as much as possible
I was induced and after a very hard several hours of bad labor because my body was forced into it I was holding my baby girl and saying good bye to her at the same time.
Within this week and a half span we lost a job, a child and a house.
I don’t know why our baby girl couldn’t stay but she had completed her mission on earth and sadly part of her mission was not staying with us.
It has taken a lot of prayer to finally get to where we are today to be able to talk about our angel and not cry and to know that one day we will be with her again.
In the mean time we enjoy celebrating her every March 23rd and telling our other children about their older sister!
Happy birthday to our angel, our baby girl in heaven!
To anyone that has had a miscarriage,still birth or has lost a baby in any way know it does get easier and just because you don’t cry any more or feel happy doesn’t mean you have forgotten them. You don’t need to stay sad to say you remember them you need to be the parents or people you would have been for them! Your baby or babies want you to do that they want you to be happy!
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